Lisa Virtue [00:00:00]:

This is the Heartset Leadership podcast. We're here on the beat of modern leadership to help you crush your goals without crushing your soul or your teams. Stefano, welcome. I'm not going to call you Stefano. You're going to explain why in a second. I am thrilled to have you for so many reasons today, and one is that I have an affinity for Italian heritage and I spent time in Italy. I don't know how much we talked about that, so that makes me thrilled to have you. But you're also now here locally in the Portland, Oregon area and you talk about one of my favorite subjects, which is how to have levity at work and how to make it a little more fun in our day to day.

Lisa Virtue [00:00:45]:

So welcome and thank you for spending time with me today.

Stefano Iaboni [00:00:48]:

Thank you. Thank you for your time and thank you for pronouncing my name correctly because generally speaking, people give me Stefano. You. So you see, they put the accent on the wrong syllable. I am Stefano. I'm really thrilled to be here.

Lisa Virtue [00:01:00]:

Love it. Well, why don't you just start by telling the audience a little bit about yourself and how you came to do the work you're doing and what that work is.

Stefano Iaboni [00:01:06]:

Yeah. So I am a keynote speaker and a facilitator. So I do team bonding and workshops for, you know, company or people. I just basically work with people that want to bring back joy to the workplace. How did I study all that? Well, because my background is in comedy. I. I had been doing comedy. Well, I still do all my life, 20 plus year comedy.

Stefano Iaboni [00:01:27]:

And I was lucky enough to travel in more than 15 countries around the world, from Dubai to New Zealand and anywhere else in between. And that, you know, despite being an amazing experience, that also taught me an important lesson, which is laughter is a universal language. So I want to make a distinction. We have laughter and we have humor. Yes, they go together. Let's say the laughter is kind of a byproduct of humor, but they can all live by themselves. So humor, it's more say, personal, cultural, something that is funny for me. Lisa, maybe it's not funny for you.

Stefano Iaboni [00:02:02]:

Right. Or the other way around or because of culture, you say? Yes, Italy. I am from Italy. Something funny in Italy, maybe it's not funny in the United States. Right. But laughter, it's something that we all know how to do. And that's a way to, in my opinion, that can bring people together. You know, strength of relationship, connection, bonding.

Stefano Iaboni [00:02:22]:

And ultimately, don't you want to work in a place where you're having fun? Since we Spend a lot of time at work. Don't you want to have fun there?

Lisa Virtue [00:02:30]:

I do. I'm sure there's some people listening, like, well, just get the work done. Let me have my life outside of work.

Stefano Iaboni [00:02:36]:

Yeah.

Lisa Virtue [00:02:36]:

So you were doing comedy already. Were you like the class clown growing up? What kind of kid were you? I'm so curious about this. Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:02:44]:

You know, I don't think I was really the class clown, but surely I think that laughter and humor helped me through when I had like the bully or with something, you know, not super pleasant happened in school. I always try to like go to make them laugh. Make them laugh. That is gonna help. Right? And it still works, right. If you're dealing with somebody, you know, if you're having something hard or you're dealing with somebody that is like this person, I always try to like, go to try to make them laugh. Okay, that's. That's gonna change the energy around.

Stefano Iaboni [00:03:16]:

Yeah.

Lisa Virtue [00:03:17]:

I had an employee ask me, oh, this was a while ago now, maybe 15 years ago or a little bit less say, what's the key, do you think, to success in people's careers? And like, at that point I was in a leadership role. And so he was kind of asking me, what led you here? And the first thing that came to my mind was, don't take yourself too seriously.

Stefano Iaboni [00:03:36]:

Beautiful. I love that. I say work is serious, but we don't have to be. Yes, yes, of course you be competent. Of course you want to do things right. And this is not about, oh, I'm going to tell jokes all day long. No, no, no, it's not really about that. It's more about your mindset.

Stefano Iaboni [00:03:52]:

It's about you perceive things. It's about how you can, you know, look at things from a different perspective.

Lisa Virtue [00:03:59]:

For sure. We're going to talk about what comes from your heart a little bit too today, which I think this idea of levity and being able to joke around or be light hearted in conversation, but serious about the work. Like, that's one of my favorite phrases that one of my clients, we figured that out for his resume at one point was like, this is something I get compliments on, is people are bringing their heart and they're really present. Right. And they're like, care about that connection with others. I feel like the more present we are, the more levity we bring to work. Is this something that you've seen in your work?

Stefano Iaboni [00:04:31]:

Absolutely. And actually it's interesting you've mentioned this. I just recently did a presentation at Lake Grove Job Seeker Association. We had one hour. So I decided to go. I'm going to Talk for maybe 20 minutes and then the rest. I want to do something that interactive. So I was like, how can I help people when they're going through that process of like, you know, oh, I'm looking for work and I understand it's hard, you know, and then a lot of folks that were there, there were people like maybe my age, older people that have been working for Company for many, many years.

Stefano Iaboni [00:05:01]:

And then all of a sudden, boom, they got laid off. And then it's like, gosh, what am I going to do now? It's stressful, right? And then your self confidence go down and then you just like, oh my gosh, another day I got to apply again. And one thing that I shared is, yes, you're going to be higher because of your skills, but you're going to make an impact if you tap on emotions. Okay. So when you go to that job interview, when you Face to Face, also interesting. You know, lately people are kind of after Covid. Right. A lot of folks are like, oh, I need to learn that again.

Stefano Iaboni [00:05:30]:

How do I deal with when I'm face to face with somebody? Because a lot of things happen on Zoom. So my suggestion, and then the thing is like, try to have something make them laugh. Right. Or share a joke or something about yourself. Start with yourself. And I wouldn't say diminish, but you know, I mean, make something that is funny about you, that is unique to you, that you might be surprised that maybe you have something in common with them. And I believe they will remember you. You're going to be memorable, you're going to walk away for the interview, you're going to get hired.

Stefano Iaboni [00:05:57]:

Well, I can't guarantee, but you know, for sure they're going to remember you. The time that they're going to go over there at the end of the day and going to look at the every curriculum and every interview, they're going to be like, oh, that person. I remember Lisa. When I talk to Lisa.

Lisa Virtue [00:06:10]:

Haha.

Stefano Iaboni [00:06:10]:

Oh yeah, she was funny. I believe that's surely going to make a difference. So yeah, I think it's a great strategy in general, in life, in, you know, leadership and just at work.

Lisa Virtue [00:06:20]:

Yep. And in interviews. I love that you're bringing this up. That vulnerability in that personal aspect is what connects us and that this whole concept on Heartset leadership is that you've got your mindset, which is you're getting prepared, you're getting in the right mindset, you're preparing yourself for how you show up and then you've got your skillset, which is that credibility, the skills that you've built. But then there's this heart set and that's when you embody and you sink into this idea of I want to connect with others and how do I show up for other people? And so being human is the H and the heart and heart set in this framework I've created. And it's really understanding yourself and not being afraid of your own story, I think is one of ways. And also don't be afraid of the humor, like self deprecating humor we all connect with. That's another universal thing, right.

Lisa Virtue [00:07:09]:

That every culture I've ever encountered is if someone understands their own uniqueness. And you know, there's a lot of comedians that do this, that have a disability and that's what they joke about. And it really resonates with the audience. And we're not laughing at them, we're laughing with them at just the irony or the, the insight that they have about themselves. And that can be so beautiful, can't it?

Stefano Iaboni [00:07:31]:

Yeah, I love that. I love you saying that. I mean, yeah, that's one of the main thing I always, you know, try to share and try to teach, like start with yourself. Self deprecation. Right. You don't want to put yourself down, but, you know, maybe have a little something about you think about the way you, I don't know, the way you are, the way you talk, the way you, the way you walk. What is it that is funny and unique to you? What is your secret thing that you have? You know that it's like, oh, I really like eating donuts at night while I watch this show, you know, you know, the other person might have the same. They might have, oh, you know, I do that too.

Stefano Iaboni [00:08:02]:

And then boom, then it brings you together and again. Yeah, it's just, I don't know, it's just the easy way to create psychological safety. Right. So then, then you shut up.

Lisa Virtue [00:08:14]:

Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:08:14]:

I love the fact you say don't be afraid of, just be yourself because that's the main thing, right. And vulnerability also. Right. Because when you laugh so you're vulnerable. You're in the moment, you're present. There is nothing else you're gonna do in that moment. You're just letting yourself go. Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:08:29]:

And generally speaking, that's contagious. So people are gonna laugh with you. And very similar to like crime in a way, right? It's, it's personal. You're vulnerable in that moment. You open yourself to Other people, and then it's gonna make a huge difference. Right? And I love the fact you said, you know, people that, like in comedy or in life, that they have some sort of disability. If you're able to laugh about it, then you allow other people to laugh with you, not at you. You know, I mean, because, you know, some folks might have that.

Stefano Iaboni [00:08:59]:

Oh, gosh, that people has a disability. I don't know. I don't want to look at that. I don't want to point it out. Well, I don't know if I should say that, you know, but if you are the one that brings it up, then you are the. You can create that safety that everybody feels. Okay, I can relax. You know, you laughing about your own thing, right? I'm not going to make fun of you, but it's going to make the things easier for everybody.

Stefano Iaboni [00:09:19]:

Okay? We can laugh about this. And also for me, this comes from. From the stage. If something happened on stage, everybody's going to see it. You can't pretend it didn't happen. If you make a mistake, say you are an actor and you're following the script, and then on the script it says you're supposed to walk from here to there and you trip. Don't pretend it didn't happen. Everybody saw it.

Stefano Iaboni [00:09:43]:

Everybody has those moments. We all have those moments that what makes us human, that what bring us together. So use that, right? You can use that moment, you know, to either mention it or, I don't know, amplify or whatever. Include demo. That mistake is not a mistake. A mistake is all a mistake. If you tell everybody that was a mistake, right? But, you know, if you allow, if you're aware of that, right, Then, oh, this happened. Well, we all do those.

Stefano Iaboni [00:10:09]:

Those things. We all have those moments so that then we can all, I don't know, that we connect. That's how also, you know, in comedy, that's what we laugh. We laugh because we have. We. We know of that experience. Oh, we feel like, oh, I've been in that experience. I've been in that moment.

Stefano Iaboni [00:10:26]:

That was embarrassing. I showed up at work and had a piece of celery stuck, you know, here. And then I was talking, talking, and finally somebody, hey, Stefan, you have something. Oh, gosh, I feel very embarrassed. But then he's like, laugh about it. Right? I mean, it wasn't the end of my life. Right?

Lisa Virtue [00:10:42]:

Yeah. And there's so much research, and we won't get into the nitty gritty about it, but there's research about how laughing helps us with health. And there's research about when you're vulnerable, the connection in psychological safety like you're talking about. And there's this other component that I want to move us into the leadership role and the work that you do and some of the concerns leaders have with it and some of the things that you've seen really help teams bond. So this idea of naming it, same with an interview. I always tell my clients if they're so nervous about a gap in their resume or something that could be perceived as a red flag to the employer and they're worried about it coming up and it's not something that's going to be a complete deal breaker. I'm like, well then just name it, say the elephant in the room. Because if people are like, oh, there's totally self aware, we can have this conversation and it's okay.

Lisa Virtue [00:11:33]:

I feel safe talking about it now that they've said it's safe to talk about. Right. So. So that's. That other piece of what we're talking about is like just naming the thing can be really powerful.

Stefano Iaboni [00:11:44]:

Name it to tame it. Right?

Lisa Virtue [00:11:46]:

Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:11:47]:

Right. Yeah. And yeah, I love that. Yes, you name it. And we all aware of this. This is not my strong thing, you know, I'm gonna name it. So we all know I'm not gonna hide it. It's part of me, so I'm gonna name it.

Stefano Iaboni [00:12:01]:

And then maybe the person in front of you has the same struggle. You never know. Right?

Lisa Virtue [00:12:05]:

Yeah, they have a partner that does and they can empathize at some level if it's not their. Yeah, for sure. So this idea of leaders coming to the workplace, obviously they've got goals they need to crush. They've got souls they have to take care of in the process. And then there's this idea of bringing some more levity. We know it's so serious right now and so many changes with technology and layoffs like you mentioned. So leaders are feeling so much pressure. And I'm curious where you're seeing your clients.

Lisa Virtue [00:12:35]:

Where do they bring this into their workplace and how does it help them? What have you seen here?

Stefano Iaboni [00:12:40]:

I think things are changing in the right direction. Right. I think there may be. I'd say old school style leadership was like, oh, gotta be serious. I gotta be work, work, work. It's all about that and result and goals. Right. I think things are changing, people are more aware of that and we gotta bring more levity into the world workplace.

Stefano Iaboni [00:13:00]:

There are more studies about it that I think generally speaking there's way more Research than they used to be maybe 20 or 30 years ago. I think the, in the past, we always focus on the negative emotions, right? We're sad as depression or anger. And now we study more. Oh, wait, but there's also this other side. Laughter, happiness, joy. Let's study. What is it? What happens when we, when we have that, right? And I think first of all is really, if you are a leader and you are able to, you know, create that levity or laugh laughter or laugh about yourself, you. You're gonna have.

Stefano Iaboni [00:13:34]:

Your team is going to relax. You know, they're gonna feel like, well, that's okay. Then it's okay to be a little silly sometimes. Again, we're doing the work. We all want to meet goals. Of course. I mean, we're not just gonna stop and become clowns away. No, no, this is not the case.

Stefano Iaboni [00:13:48]:

But, you know, we all, we're gonna do it in a different way. There is more, there's gonna be more joy in the, in the process. People are going to bond. People are going to stay together. When people laugh together, they stay together. So you are, as a leader, you are the example here. People are going to look at you like, oh, look at that. My, you know, my boss, wherever there is, that manager, the CEO, whatever person in high status in the company is the first one that can allow that, then people are going to relax and then they're going to take risks and they might have an idea in their mind.

Stefano Iaboni [00:14:17]:

It's like, oh, gosh, I don't know if I want to share it because this might be ridiculous. People are going to laugh at me. Oh, I'm going to sound very stupid. But then if your leader is the first one to allow that safety, then you can. You feel free. Okay, maybe I'm going to say this. And interesting enough, sometimes the most ridiculous idea can actually be the real solution to a problem. Because we have this fear of like, oh, I don't know if I should say that.

Stefano Iaboni [00:14:40]:

Oh, I don't know. I need to especially work and especially like corporation and such. You know, I need to behave a certain way. I need to show up a certain way just sharp as yourself. People are gonna, gonna connect. They're gonna love you if you just be new. Okay? Because again, we all humans, we all make mistakes. So let's name them.

Stefano Iaboni [00:15:00]:

Let's allow that in the process. I mean, again, there are so many studies also about how that can make your company better, how you're gonna make more money if you allow that, if you allow more humor, more levity. You just. If you create an environment where people feel safe, then everything can change. I was just reading about. What's that? Southwest. You know, it's one of those company that had a. Has a whole thing about humor.

Stefano Iaboni [00:15:24]:

Humor you in the workplace. Right. And I've been in flights where actually even the flight attendant, you know, shared a joke. Excuse me. On the mic. And that changes everything.

Lisa Virtue [00:15:32]:

I love it when that happens.

Stefano Iaboni [00:15:34]:

Yes. So yeah, again, please have that, have more of that if you're a leader. And then there's. Sometimes people have share this with me. Oh, I'm not a funny person. Well, I don't know how to make. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We all have it.

Stefano Iaboni [00:15:46]:

We all have it. We all are funny. Right. It's a skill like any other thing in life. It's something that you can practice and something that you can learn. First. Start with yourself. Obviously you want to do something that is inclusive, something that is.

Stefano Iaboni [00:15:57]:

Doesn't put any other culture, other people down. That's not funny. You know, but start with yourself like as a leader and it's like, oh, you know, oh my, my boss is funny or my boss made a joke about himself. Wow, that really changes energy around for sure.

Lisa Virtue [00:16:13]:

Yeah. And I think that's the key too. It's about not poking at others. Right. It's about bringing our authentic self and our self awareness. Because I've also been in those teams where a leader like is joking around and then points at someone else and then it's putting them down versus levity of bringing the light heartedness up. So I've been in those bro cultures where it can go the other way where half the people are like, that was so inappropriate and not okay. And now I feel not safe.

Lisa Virtue [00:16:43]:

Right. So that balance, I think you're spot on of like turn it back here and talk about yourself. And the levity of. Yeah, I make mistakes too. And here I said this guys, that didn't happen. Now let's talk about why. And I can see the humor in it or the irony in it. And then there's sarcasm.

Lisa Virtue [00:17:02]:

And I would love to hear your thought on sarcasm too. I actually had a client who got a job because she picked up on the sarcasm in the room in the interview and she leaned into it and they loved it. So. But she was able to read the room. Right. And it was like her people. But I, I know that can be very tricky as well in the workplace with the sarcasm.

Stefano Iaboni [00:17:21]:

So yeah, I would say sarcasm, I love it. But you know, it's delicate you know, got to know when and how to use it. And the more confident, the more connected we are with your team, with your people, then it's easier. Right. Because you know, or you know, all people get it. Oh, you know, oh, Stefan makes those jokes. We know it's just joking. We know this is not real.

Stefano Iaboni [00:17:41]:

Right. But. But yeah, it's something like I would say is delicate, you know, it's an art.

Lisa Virtue [00:17:46]:

Yeah. And that relating to others, that one on one relationship is also what I think is so important here. People need to spend that time getting to know each other, so then when they do that funny side glance, like they get each other. Right. We all love those moments where you have a friend at work, you can do a funny look at them and then they're like, okay, that just brings that levity up. But if you didn't spend the time one on one with them, you're not gonna have that same connection, right?

Stefano Iaboni [00:18:10]:

Absolutely, yes. Then, yeah, it's really what you just said. You make that instant connection and then you're like, oh, wait, we had things in common. We laugh about the same thing. We might have the same. Same sense of humor or we understand the same. Then it is that, and it's just between us. That can just be a look and you understand, oh, you know what is happening here.

Stefano Iaboni [00:18:30]:

Right?

Lisa Virtue [00:18:30]:

Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:18:31]:

Because you created that, you know, it's where you're able to create an environment where people feel, okay, feel safe to do that, you know, you don't want to. Do you want to be that boss that like, puts people down? No, that's not funny in general. Not at work, not in life, not in comedy.

Lisa Virtue [00:18:46]:

Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:18:46]:

And you put somebody else down. It's not funny, you know?

Lisa Virtue [00:18:49]:

Yeah, yeah. Or even religious groups. I had a boss once that put down a religious group making a joke, and I went, no, this is. You cross that line. Right. So there's definitely a line people can cross. So it's. It seems like the work that you do with teams, a lot of that is an opportunity for them to build some of that relationship in what you.

Lisa Virtue [00:19:10]:

Can you tell me a little bit more about when you show up to work with a team or a corporation and you come into the work, what does that look like? What do you do with them?

Stefano Iaboni [00:19:18]:

Well, yeah, it's an opportunity for them. For me, it's like open up and get to know each other. Right. Go a little deeper. If you go. If you're tapping into emotion, you're gonna. The, you know, the bond, the connection between the person is gonna get stronger. You, if you can laugh with that about the same thing, it's gonna get stronger.

Stefano Iaboni [00:19:35]:

One thing that I J. Speaking, I always like, try to like, okay, let's do some icebreaker here, you know, and then just start with a little thing also moving around, right? Logically, if you move around, stand up, move around, walk around, you know, look at this interact, right? That also creates endorphins, right? Movement, physical exercise. So you physically relax. Something happened neurologically, you're not even aware that it's happening, right? It's like when you go to the gym, you walk out, you always feel better, right? Generally speaking, right? If you do physics, like why? Well, well, because why you're taking care of yourself or your health, but because this thing happened in your brain, right? You know, you don't know. Oh gosh, I feel so good after that because you just produce endorphins to help you relax. So I share some simple games that I do. I say, well, first of all, I laugh about myself, about my name, about my culture, about being Italian. You know, I think in Italy it's one of those culture that.

Stefano Iaboni [00:20:25]:

That generally speaking, people like us, the world or in United States, I have my experience that is always some sort of connections, right? That is either somebody that have family that comes from Italy, I've been to Italy, I love Italian food. That there is always that, right? You know, other culture. Maybe not, you know, coming from other places around the world. Maybe not as much, but I think, you know, so I. Let's start with me, with my name. How you pronounce it? Hahaha. People laugh. They're already starting to relax.

Stefano Iaboni [00:20:53]:

They study, they already get into the. The mood and mindset. Oh, okay. Well, he's, he's relaxed, right? And okay, let's share about you by your name, right? Introduce yourself, say your name. Why don't you try one games. And sometimes I do. It's like, hey, how about you turn to the person next to you and you introduce yourself and say, hi, my name is Stefano. But you can also call me and sometimes it helps to write it down.

Stefano Iaboni [00:21:15]:

Say your name backwards at the moment. Oh, you know, and then they say the name backwards and my sounds ridiculous. Like, like I'm looking at your name. Lisa, you will be Asil. Hi, my name is Asil. I don't know. My sounds depend on the names that might sound ridiculous, right? Or I say things like, okay, let's talk about things that we enjoy. Let's talk about, share something that you like, right? A simple activity.

Stefano Iaboni [00:21:38]:

It could be you know, food that you enjoy, activities that you do, you know, in your spare time. Oh, I say, my name is Stefan. I like pizza. Okay, now I'm gonna say it again, but I'm gonna add this. I'm gonna say it, that, you know, not everybody is open to that, you know, because sometimes people feel being ridiculous. But that journey speaking creates laughter. And again, this is not humor. There's got nothing to do with humor.

Stefano Iaboni [00:22:02]:

Well, I'm not. I'm just using a simple tool just to have people relax, right? And then this is an exercise that I learned from, that I stole from a friend of mine, Kathy Armillas. She says, you know, tell the story. Have people talk about themselves. Give them some times time it, you know, three minutes, five minutes. And then, you know, say, use active listening. So one person talks, the other person doesn't. Right? So just listen.

Stefano Iaboni [00:22:27]:

And I. Maybe I'm being a. You know, there's a little bias here, but I would say sometimes if you identify as a male, it's. It must be. It's hard sometimes because generally speak, I'm generalizing here, but sometimes male, they want to have. I'm going to solve it. I'm going to tell you what to do.

Lisa Virtue [00:22:44]:

Okay?

Stefano Iaboni [00:22:45]:

Whatever you say. Oh, yeah, this is what you should do. No, don't, don't talk. Don't talk. Okay? Just don't talk. Just listen. You can say, you can paraphrase. That means you repeat.

Stefano Iaboni [00:22:54]:

You know, if somebody says, I like chocolate. Oh, I understand, you like chocolate. That's okay. Or you can just nod. You can say, yes, listen, and then have the, you know, people just tell the story. Just tell me about you. Tell me where you come from, where you study, what you do, what you like. You know, you don't have to go super deep.

Stefano Iaboni [00:23:10]:

You know, it's up to you, right? And then I have the person, the other person that is listening, I have them share. I have them talk as if they are that person. Say, we do this with you. Okay? So, Lisa, you're talking and I'm just listening. At the end of the two minutes, I'm going to share with everybody what I learned about you. I'm being Lisa. So say, hi, everybody. My name is Lisa.

Stefano Iaboni [00:23:31]:

I do this, this and that. And then, then it's like, oh, I realized I was actually listening to that person. Because then at the end I always, like, ask, was that accurate? You think that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, don't worry about if you don't remember everything, you know, just, just Play. So I'm ready here, people. Look, I want to share something. Like at the job seeker thing, I started with this, and then there were. This is incredible to me.

Stefano Iaboni [00:23:54]:

There were two people facing each other. These two guys, they had this exercise. At the end of this exercise, they realized both of them played the violins. They didn't know because they came in. They're looking for jump here, right? They're not here. Like, oh, I'm gonna share with, like, this other person what I do in my free time. No, they didn't know. Look at that.

Stefano Iaboni [00:24:11]:

Something so simple. Within two minutes, they learn something about each other. I know. Oh, you play the violin. Oh, my gosh. I play the violin too. Where do you play? How long have you been playing? Now we have something in common. And this can generate or spark other things, right? This simple conversation can take you somewhere else.

Stefano Iaboni [00:24:27]:

Then you might have your, you know, oh, now we are friends, you know, because of that. Now maybe we play together. Maybe we go and rehearse in the same space. I don't know. But something so simple, we. Right? Just let's talk about you and share with somebody else about you. And again, this is gonna make the relationship stronger. So if you're in a team, if you're working with people, you getting to know the people that work with you, you know, deeper.

Stefano Iaboni [00:24:51]:

Oh, wow. We like the same. We like the same music. We like the same food. We go to the same restaurant. Something that might. We don't. Maybe, you know, during your day at work, maybe you don't talk about that, right? You didn't know about it.

Stefano Iaboni [00:25:05]:

You know, just something so simple. And then from there, okay, let's. Then we can go deeper, but just, you know, that's usually how I have people start, right, Just to, like, you know, oh, relax. So, you know, more about you. And then we can play games using the things that you like. You know, one thing that it's. And this is. I take this from comedy, it's in theater, is like amplifying the thing.

Stefano Iaboni [00:25:28]:

If you make it bigger, you know, you. If you see, you know, this is everywhere in comedy, right? Just take something and make it huge, right? Make it very big. Amplify that. The feeling, the emotion, you know, whatever. Make it very, very big. That can create, you know, laughter, you know, amplifying something. So I took one, like, again, at the job seat. I'm just thinking about the job seat because it's the most recent thing I'd done, and one guy, you know, so I had them share things that they, like.

Stefano Iaboni [00:25:57]:

Right. I say, okay, now you share the things that you like to one activity you like, right? That you feel that you're very good at. And then later, tell me something that you're terrible at, okay? And then you can laugh about it. So one guy said he loves motorcycle. He loves, like, he's riding his bike and going around. And I was like, okay, tell me more. Okay, amplify that. Okay, let.

Stefano Iaboni [00:26:15]:

Let's laugh about that. And he shared this in front of everybody. I was like, I asked, is anybody. I had them, like, in cup, in pairs. Share that. And then I asked, anybody here wants to share something? Would you like to share this with the group? Something that you learn that you like, that you do. You want to make it bigger? You know, do you want to amplify? One guy was like, he was dying to, like, share this, okay, Please. So he stood up and said, so this morning I took my motorcycle and I went.

Stefano Iaboni [00:26:40]:

I was like, driving all the way here, and then I went close to the, like, whatever bridge. And then I saw there was a ramp next to the bridge. So instead of taking the bridge, I took the ramp and I flew over the bridge just like that. And then while I was flying, I. I look on the other side, and there was the office where I want to work, and all the CEO were in the office. So I wave at them right in the way back of me. He made everybody laugh. Like, there.

Stefano Iaboni [00:27:04]:

It was nothing. Ultimately, again, it's like, nothing in terms, like, you just took something of yourself that you like to do, and you make it. You made it really big. You make it so big that it becomes ridiculous, because of course, you're not going to fly over a bridge, right? But just that, right? Just have moment. And then everybody laughs. Everybody relax. And then people feel like, oh, maybe I want to share something too. Maybe I want to say something about myself.

Stefano Iaboni [00:27:29]:

One person starts, and then everybody follows, right? That's psychological, you know, if you say, like, oh, okay, I want to say that too. You know, it's just the beginning that people feel like, oh, I don't know, I don't want to go first, right? But then one person says, and then everybody else like, okay, okay, I'm gonna say something. And also when we did the opposite, oh, that was hilarious. When we did the opposite, say something that you're bad at, right? Or. Or take one simple, oh, no, sorry about being good. Somebody else said. I said, you know, if you can't think of anything right about yourself right in the moment, if you can't think of Something like, I'm really good at this. Just think about this.

Stefano Iaboni [00:28:03]:

Something super easy, super simple, like, oh, I'm. I'm great at loading the dishwasher. Right. This woman like that, it was saying, okay, tell us, what do you want to say? Oh, my gosh, I'm so good at, like, loading the dishwasher. I'm the master of that. I am so good that everybody, my neighbor, you know, they call me, I go and visit people in their house and I load that dishwasher for them. Now I'm so busy, I can't. There is nothing.

Stefano Iaboni [00:28:25]:

I can't even make dinner because I'm always helping people out. Again, there was absolutely nothing. And again, in that moment, everybody was laughing in the room. There were like 50, 60 people in the room. Everybody was laughing. Everybody's laughing about. And again, you're not putting anybody down. You're not making fun of anybody else.

Stefano Iaboni [00:28:42]:

You, you. Starting from you. Are you taking something that is yours and you just play with it and just play. Make it very big. Make it silly, Right.

Lisa Virtue [00:28:51]:

I love it. It's the absurdity of the day to day and like the everyday moments that can bring people together. I love that. I used to come up with phrases for things that felt absurd in my work, where it was like, I had a schedule of schedules of schedules. And then people are like, I get it. I'm like, walk into my office, what are you working on on your whiteboard? I'm like, the schedule of schedules.

Stefano Iaboni [00:29:12]:

Right? The meeting about the meeting about the meeting.

Lisa Virtue [00:29:15]:

Exactly. Then people very quickly can get the absurdity. But also know, like, I see why that takes so long because it is so absurd. So we're naming it again.

Stefano Iaboni [00:29:25]:

Right. And again for them, this is relatable. That's. That's funny. Because I can relate. Oh, I can. That reality. Oh, I know what it means.

Stefano Iaboni [00:29:34]:

Oh, I know. Yeah. Scheduling the schedules. Oh, I know. Because I do that every day. I do that all day long. Or it happens.

Lisa Virtue [00:29:39]:

Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:29:40]:

I have to schedule appointment. I have to schedule things at work or wherever that is in life. Right. And then take the absurdity, you know, out of this reality and just make it, you know. Right.

Lisa Virtue [00:29:52]:

Yep, yep. And this was facility schedules for the whole year. So we literally had to schedule when we'd be posting the schedules. Yeah. It's so absurd. Right. And so you think about it, the layers. Yeah.

Lisa Virtue [00:30:02]:

You also were so illustrating that you facilitate the human connection through making the daily lives and people's stories kind of that absurdity or that humor, just getting people to Talk, which we don't have a lot of time at work. Right. It's usually it's like gotta get to work. People don't want to have extra meetings. So it's like get to the point where people say, I don't like small talk. So you're helping facilitate. Small talk can actually turn into very deep talk, which I find fascinating. And that's where this concept of it's such a small world comes from is because once we start actually talking to people about the human side and not just the work, then we find out, oh my gosh, I do have so much in common with you.

Lisa Virtue [00:30:42]:

Or I can relate on that level.

Stefano Iaboni [00:30:44]:

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. It's such an easy way to get people to connect. Right. And as you said, we don't do this much of work. Right. Because we are focused on, we need to finish this, we have deadlines, whatever. We have, you know, work, work, work.

Stefano Iaboni [00:30:57]:

But just, I mean, just have that little moment again. Absolutely. Like bring people together.

Lisa Virtue [00:31:02]:

Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:31:02]:

And yeah, it's just simpler than easier than you think. Right. Is that itself. So sometimes we have forgotten. Right, right.

Lisa Virtue [00:31:11]:

And I can imagine too, for some leaders it's probably a little overwhelming where they're thinking, gosh, I need to figure out a way to facilitate this. So you have a service that you can come in and help a leader who might be intimidated or not, or maybe they're worried they are going to cross the line or do. Or they don't have the time to plan the facilitation. So what do you see when leaders come to you to say, hey, come, let's talk about my team and help me what. Where are those pain points? What are they dealing with usually when they come to you?

Stefano Iaboni [00:31:41]:

Well, you know, fear sometimes of being themselves. Allow themselves to just be right. Not, you know, and then also like with public speaking is interesting because sometimes, you know, you have leader that they need to do a presentation and that can be very, very overwhelming. Very, very scary. Right. For, for folks. Right. To talk about, you know, just to be in front of others and, and, and, and talk.

Stefano Iaboni [00:32:03]:

Right. And I always try, if I have the opportunity to work one on one is really like, okay, let's break it down and, and let's see what is funny to you, what makes you laugh, what are the things that you enjoy doing. Let's, let's talk about you. Right. Let's talk about you because look, you're gonna have things that you, I'm sure there is something that you have in common with your employee. I'm sure. You have something in common with people you work with, you know, so just allow that. Allow yourself to just be you and then stop playing that role of like, oh, I'm the boss, I'm the leader.

Stefano Iaboni [00:32:34]:

Yes, you are. Of course you are. I mean, you're in that position. We all know that. But, you know, sometimes you can. If you. I don't know, if you're like, kind of like, lower your status. Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:32:43]:

Somehow. Right. Then people are going to like you better. People, you know, want to connect with you, you know, on a different level. Right. On a more human level than like, work, you know, like, I don't know, dynamic. Right. So just.

Stefano Iaboni [00:32:57]:

Yeah, always like, start with yourself, go with yourself. Hell, I don't know. And. And then I don't know if you are like in a meeting, you know, like sometimes, you know, those meetings, you know, people hate meetings, or they're just like, oh, I don't want this meeting. Why do we just send an email? Understand? Right. So how can we open that? Just doing something different.

Lisa Virtue [00:33:14]:

Right?

Stefano Iaboni [00:33:15]:

Ask a funny question. Ask. Ask them what did they do over the weekend. Ask. What's their favorite activity? What is the. What is the weird you ever ate? What is the most ridiculous thing that have happened to you over the weekend? What made you laugh this weekend? And start with you. So share your start. Start about you.

Stefano Iaboni [00:33:32]:

So you come in and ask the question and then you say, well, you know, this weekend I had this, this and that, or this weekend I had this thing. And oh, my God, it was the grossest thing and it was most disgusting, all the most delicious amplify, make it really big. People are gonna laugh, they're gonna relax, and then they're willing to share about themselves. Right. And then that Monday morning is going to have a different energy. Right. You're going to start the day very differently. Right.

Stefano Iaboni [00:33:54]:

Because we create that. Oh, this is fun, you know, okay. It's a meeting. I know. I don't know if I want to be here, but it's different, Right. The energy changes. Yeah.

Lisa Virtue [00:34:06]:

And you can do it in such a quick way, too. I think this is another thing I see leaders worry about is like, well, half the meeting's going to be talking about these things. We're never going to get to the point. But it doesn't have to take a long time.

Stefano Iaboni [00:34:19]:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And if you can include games, activity gamification. Right. That's the best. Right. Can you turn this into a game so it's not so heavy? It's not so. Oh, gosh, you Know, I mean, there is not that feeling.

Stefano Iaboni [00:34:32]:

It's something that it's like we all have to do no matter what, you know, in life, there are a lot of things that we need to do because we have to, right? My daughter, I have two kids, right? The youngest one, Mila, she's nine. Papa, we gotta do this. We gotta do the dishwasher, we gotta clean room. I want to do it right, but if you. Of course she doesn't want to do it, right. I probably was the same her age, right? Can we turn this into a game? Can we turn this into something fun? It's gonna change, right? I'm not saying she's gonna come home and say, yeah, I wanna clean my room. No, but if you, you know, if you can have it turn into a game or something that is more fun, then you know, there's. You got a better chance that she's eventually gonna do it, right? Turns into something that is.

Stefano Iaboni [00:35:12]:

Okay. I'm having fun while I'm doing it right.

Lisa Virtue [00:35:13]:

And I was thinking, Yes. I was thinking about parenting while you were talking, really? With the leader too. I'm like, this is so many parallels with parenting and making it fun. When we're all competing with the dopamine hits that we get, right? From devices and from our employees that are, you know, they're like, get me out of this meeting. I'd rather go scroll TikTok for a few minutes to get that dopamine hit and then I can get back to work. So we have, we're competing with that. So finding those moments where you can get that dopamine hit. I was just at a retreat with some fellow coaches and one of my mentors and I were sitting in the backseat and someone else was driving.

Lisa Virtue [00:35:49]:

And we're driving around to our, to our next activity and she starts saying something and she does a brilliant job of that self deprecating humor and calling and naming it. And she's like, oh, there I go. I'm another backseat driver. She said, right. And so. And then to me came the song Back streets Back. All right? And so I, I started singing, I turned it into back seats back. All right.

Lisa Virtue [00:36:12]:

So she and I, the whole trip, we would sing. Anytime someone was a backstreet driver, they'd start singing that, right?

Stefano Iaboni [00:36:18]:

Singing there, right?

Lisa Virtue [00:36:19]:

Yeah. And then we all would laugh and then the person driving pay attention to what was being said. So there was a serious component to it, but there was levity and like self awareness that we brought to that moment.

Stefano Iaboni [00:36:31]:

And that's such a great I love that, that game. I mean, just like a song or something that we maybe we all know that song maybe, right? Can we change the lyrics? Sing a different way? You know, we all know it. Right. And then, yeah, and then you see what happens here is like then your connection with that person got stronger in a way. Right? Then it's like now we know sometimes, every time something happen, we're gonna start singing.

Lisa Virtue [00:36:52]:

Right? Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:36:53]:

I don't even need to say anything, you know, I just by looking. Just by a look.

Lisa Virtue [00:36:57]:

Exactly. Yeah. We had that little inside joke very quickly and it was fun. Yeah, it's beautiful. Well, Stefano, I'm curious how people can get a hold of you. It sounds like you do one on one work with leaders, like especially when they have a message or they're working on bringing levity to their workplace or they have a public speaking engagement that you want to maybe bring some humor. Because we know that we love those speakers the best. Right.

Lisa Virtue [00:37:20]:

That connect us quickly to their stories. Let's connect the best. Or team building. How can people get a hold of you? Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:37:27]:

I just want to say one last thing about that.

Lisa Virtue [00:37:28]:

Yes, please.

Stefano Iaboni [00:37:29]:

If you, when you, if you allow, if you can say something in a funny way, if you can make your crowd, your whoever is your crowd and it doesn't have to be on stage necessarily, like it can be even your family or your friends again, you got to be memorable. They're going to remember. So if you're sharing information, if you are somebody that needs to share information about whatever, you know, if you only share numbers, statistics and studies, I don't know, right. If you can do it in a funny way, people will remember that. People will remember the study, people will remember the numbers because you made them laugh. Right? Everything. You know, if you emotion, that's the key, right? You got to be personal and you're going to share emotion. If you style about an experience, can you tie that experience with something that you had? Were you in a similar experience? Can you, you know, make it very personal? Then it's like, oh, you know this friend of mine name it put the name on that person, that face.

Stefano Iaboni [00:38:23]:

Then it's more relatable, that is more. I can connect easier than you just say something that is broad, that is vague, that is like, you know, I mean, anyway, you can find me. Well, oh, you can connect with me on LinkedIn and then. Or you can go on my website. You can either use my name stephanyaboni.com or you can go Smile Solution, PNW, Pacific Equestrian. Because that's where we live. So smile solution pnw.com so you can connect with me there and. Yeah.

Stefano Iaboni [00:38:52]:

Or whatever that is, you know, workshops and whatever.

Lisa Virtue [00:38:55]:

Yeah, I love it. So many opportunities to use just that human element right now, especially with all the technology booming and going faster. I keep saying that your humanity is your competitive edge. So bring that to the workplace, bring that to the interview, bring that to your presentation.

Stefano Iaboni [00:39:11]:

Right, Absolutely. I feel like, you know, ei, it's everywhere. Everybody talks about it. Right. But there is an element that we can't replace and it's this human connection and humor. I.

Lisa Virtue [00:39:23]:

It's terrible at humor. Oh, it's the worst. Sometimes it gets a good dad joke. That's.

Stefano Iaboni [00:39:28]:

Yeah, absolutely. It's that, right. It's like, because, you know, I feel like, oh, that's gonna replace us. You know, some people are afraid of that. No, I don't think so. You know, I think it's like it's actually might make human connection stronger because some folks are gonna realize, no, we need more of this. We need, you know, more of like human interaction. I believe eventually things will change.

Stefano Iaboni [00:39:51]:

Things people realize, wait, we're missing out. Yes, it's useful for so many things. Right. But it's not going to replace real, real human being. Not yet.

Lisa Virtue [00:40:00]:

No. There's no heart and soul in there. Figure that out, then we'll be. Yeah, it's a long time. Way past our generation, hopefully.

Stefano Iaboni [00:40:09]:

Yes.

Lisa Virtue [00:40:10]:

Stefano, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me today. I really appreciate it.

Stefano Iaboni [00:40:13]:

Oh, thank you, Elisa, for this opportunity. Thank you for this.

Lisa Virtue [00:40:16]:

Keep laughing.

Stefano Iaboni [00:40:17]:

Yes, you too.

Lisa Virtue [00:40:20]:

Thank you so much for joining today's conversation. Before you go, don't forget to hit that subscribe button and to leave us a five star review and support. If you would like to take this conversation further and continue strengthening your leadership, Heartset, check out heartsetstudio.com and subscribe to our Heartwire newsletter. Heartset Studio is also available to connect on your leadership development goals and initiatives for you and the other leaders in your organization. Contact us today through the website. And most importantly, thank you so much for all you do for the other humans in your life. We know that you show up with heart time and again and it is most appreciated.